I am worthless and unimportant. I am not enough. And last year proved it.
I was in a job that wasn’t good for my mental health for a variety of reasons, so I left. I wasn’t enough to withstand it. Little One had some teeth pulled a year ago. I wasn’t a good enough owner to keep all her pearly whites pearly white. I didn’t complete a novel last year. I’m not a good enough writer. Sometimes it takes me longer than I’d like to return texts that friends send. I’m not a good friend to them. Sometimes it takes friends a long time to respond to me. I’m not good enough for them. I barely read any books last year. I’m not a good enough reader. I don’t think I brushed all of Little One’s teeth last night. I just keep failing. I don’t spend as much time with my niece and nephews as I could. I’m not a good enough aunt. My parents probably hoped for more from me when I was born. I’ve let them down.
And there are so many more examples I could give.
I am worthless and unimportant. I am not enough. And last year proved it. Just like the year before. And the year before that. Scroll through the text messages on my phone, read the names in order, and I will tell you how “not enough” I was in 2017.
This mindset of being “not enough” is something I worked on last year. It popped up a lot as I journaled through a Bible study. It was such a constant refrain in the first six months of the year that when I saw a friend write “enough” on her arm to remind herself that she is enough, I did the same thing. For most of April and all of May I kept writing the word enough on my arm, placed specifically where I could see it peek out of my sleeves and have the reminder, but where no one would be able to see the whole word.
So. Here’s the hard truth: I’m not perfect. I’ve failed at things. I’ve let people down. I’ve let myself down. That’s part of human nature.
I am a work in progress. There are areas in my life I know I want to work on. And I’m fairly confident that when I feel more settled in those parts of my life, other areas that I need to work on will be revealed. That’s part of life. I always want to work on becoming a better version of myself and, as the imperfect person I am, that will be a lifelong pursuit.
[Tweet “I strive to be a better version of myself. As an imperfect person, that’s a lifelong pursuit.”]
But. It doesn’t mean I’m worthless. It doesn’t mean I’m not enough. It just means I have things to work on, just like everyone else.
So, why am I sharing this cheery (ha!) post as my first post of the new year?
Because I know I’m not alone. I got the idea to write enough on my arm after seeing a friend do it — a friend who felt the same way. And I know we’re not the only ones. Who and what are on your list? Who have you let down? Who have you failed? And what have you told yourself about your value and your worth?
It doesn’t take long for that mantra to seep into our consciousness. It doesn’t take long for those words to take root, to grow, and spread. It doesn’t take long for those words to start to define us.
Don’t let them.
[Tweet “Your failures–real or perceived–don’t define your value or worth as a human being.”]
The people I feel I’ve let down probably don’t see me the way I sometimes see myself. And, most importantly, my failures–real or perceived–don’t define my value, my worth as a human being. I’m reminded of this every time I look down at my wrist. After I stopped writing “enough” on my arm, I started drawing a cross on my wrist; a cross I eventually had tattooed over the summer. All I have to do is look at that cross to know that I am loved, I am valuable, and I have worth.
[Tweet “All I have to do is look at the cross to know that I am loved, I am valuable, and I have worth.”]
And you are/do, too.
As we head into 2018, I hope we all make a promise to ourselves: that we will watch what we say and think about ourselves. That even as we all strive to become better versions of ourselves, we are gracious to ourselves, just as we are gracious to those who may believe they’ve failed us. And I pray that we know our worth doesn’t lie in the things we do or don’t do.
[Tweet “As we head into 2018, remember: your worth doesn’t lie in the things you do or don’t do.”]
Is this something you struggle with too?
This is beautiful, Crystal! I needed this reminder today for sure. It really changes my entire outlook on my day to remember that my worth is not based on what I do. I wish you all the best for 2018! 🙂
Thank you, Emily! I’m glad you appreciated it! It’s so true… it really changes how I enter each day knowing that, too. I wish you all the best for 2018 as well! You have an exciting year ahead!
It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, if you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right. It’s incredible how much of our own misery we cause simply by the thoughts we think. 2018 is all about a new mindset for me too!
Exactly! Once we realize how big of an impact our mindset and the words we say to ourselves have, we can actively work to change that.
This post was beautiful!!! Seriously, so beautiful. I loved the way you did the pictures throughout the post and how they changed! LOVE IT!! Keep up the good work and keep chasing after the Lord. We need more posts like this on this negative talking internet!
Thank you, Courtney! I’m glad you appreciated it! And yes!! We certainly do need more reminders like this. The internet can be such a hard place to hang out sometimes with all the negativity swirling around!
Thank you for this beautiful piece. So often we beat ourselves up too much. All we can do is focus on what we’re capable of and know that it’s enough.
You’re welcome! That’s so true. We can be our own worst critics and are often too hard on ourselves.
oh gosh, this hit so close to my heart. I can relate SO much and it’s been a big realization recently. I generally like myself, so it’s a confusing thing to really struggle with self love but I’ve recently realized how much that’s held me back from experiencing life and how I need to pull self worth from within. Staying grounded in positivity and love for myself, others, and the world is a big guiding mantra for me this year <3 thank you for this beautiful piece!
You’re welcome! It’s amazing to see all the women who can identify with these feelings and are really working to make 2018 a positive love in how they treat themselves and how they treat others. It’s exactly what the world needs right now. And it’s exactly what WE need all the time!
I love your tattoo–It’s such a beautiful reminder that we ARE loved, we are enough, and that we are worth SO much more than we can ever imagine. I was with you in feeling lost and worthless and confused last year. I quit my job that put me into a spiraling depression, but through it all, God was there. It reminds me of the added verse to It is Well: “Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You, and it is well, with me.” I clung to Him and now my blog is doing SO much better and my mental health is a strong as ever. <3 Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I just know it will help so many.
Thank you Kristen! My tattoo is definitely one of my favorite things to come out of 2017 and it’s something that I love more and more each time I look at it for the reminder that it gives me each day. It’s so amazing to hear your story and how similar it is to my own. I was definitely dealing with some depression before I quit my job (because of it), but while leaving it was freeing, it wasn’t easy and I definitely spiraled into a deeper depression as well. But like you said, God was there through it all and now I’m doing so much better! So glad to hear the same for you! And yes! That verse!! I love it.
So thankful for the reminder to give grace to myself and others!!
I’m glad it was helpful!!
This was so beautifully written, and I’m sure it helped more people than you know. I know this is something I have struggled with, especially as of late. Having this reminder definitely lifted my spirits and served as a lesson that I do still have worth. We are loved and appreciated, and that’s something to share. Thank you for sharing!
You’re welcome! I’m so glad you appreciated it and I really do hope that it has helped others.
I can definitely relate to this. And the truth is that all people are like this. We could all call ourselves worthless, but it’s about how you look at yourself, try to improve, and find value in what you do well.
Exactly! I know I’m not the only one who needs to change how I see and speak to myself. It really makes a big difference!
Shame storms are a real thing. I am constantly walking away from shame and it’s amazing to me how sneaky it is in our thought process. Thank you for sharing
That is so true! Our thought process is so sneaky and even if you work hard to try and make sure your thoughts don’t go in that direction, they sometimes find a way to do so.
This was a very powerful read. I can definitely relate having gone through similar periods in my life. Cheers to 2018!
Yes! Cheers to 2018! Thank you for reading!
This is something I feel so passionate about. I had an epiphany a few months ago when I was reminded, yet again, of just how not-perfect I am. Instead of feeling shame, or unworthy, I actually felt relief! It’s tiring trying to “have it all together.” Once I allowed myself to be “lacking” I was able to see that I am whole because only Christ is truly enough.
It is SO tiring to try to have it all together and it’s a pursuit that’s unrealistic, just based on our human nature. I love the last sentence of your comment… that’s so true. I think sometimes we just need to come to that acceptance. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
“All I have to do is look at the cross to know my worth” – DAYUM GIRL. SO TRUE. You are so much more than enough!!!
It’s amazing when you really think about it! And thanks, girl! You are amazing, too!
I always wonder why that is – why the world makes you feel ashamed for imperfections. I get like that too. I do something wrong and I feel this awful need to beat myself up about it. Those imperfections don’t define who you are, and I’m glad you shared that sentiment in this post.
I know! The world really likes to focus on everything that’s “wrong” so I think probably more people than not carry around all these negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. It’s so sad. We really need to change that, because like you said we’re not defined by those imperfections. They don’t make us who we are.
I love what you said “All I have to do is look a t the cross to know my worth.” You are so right and it is such a beautiful truth! I am thankful that our identity is found in the perfect person of Jesus and not in ourselves!
Thank you! It really is a beautiful truth! I am so thankful for that, too.
You absolutely have worth and absolutely yes to looking at the cross and knowing that. Much love my friend, this year will be a good year. <3
Thanks, Beth! So do you!! And yes, it WILL be a good year!
You’re so right. It’s okay to grow slow! Failures don’t define us, it’s whether we get back up or not!
Yes! In fact, our failures help us grow and can help us connect with others if we let them.
Wonderful post. We all have worth and not one of us is perfect. But that’s okay – it can be tough sometimes, but we’re all growing and changing as the years go on.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.net
Thank you, Lauren! Exactly! No one is perfect, but we all have worth. Sometimes we just need to remember that.
This is a great post. I definitely am going through those feelings now so I understand how hard it can be. But I do remind myself that failing is an essential part of my growth and I do not owe it to anyone but me to be the best version of myself, flawed or not. I hope that you keep remind yourself this year that you are enough and worthy!
Thank you, Michele! It’s so hard when those feelings creep in. But like you said, failing is part of growth and it really helps us as we move forward in our lives, as long as we don’t let all the negativity stop us.
Nobody can put me down like I can. I really am taking this post to heart. Thank you. <3
You’re welcome, Sara! I think that’s something we all do. You are amazing and you are enough.
Amen girl! Way to word this so eloquently. The world can tell us so many things and we start to believe them. but knowing that I am enough and worth it to God makes me so much stronger.
Thank you, Jessica! Yes! Knowing that we are enough and are worth it to God really does give us strength. We just need to remind ourselves and believe that when the world tells us otherwise.
I love this Crystal. I have worth. I am enough. That is something I should repeat to myself everyday. Are you a fan of Brene Brown? She posted today on her Facebook page something that I personally love and your post reminded me of it. She said, “Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission.” Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wise words!
Thank you, Courtney! I’m glad you appreciated it. I should repeat that to myself everyday, too. I haven’t delved into any of her writing yet, but I do have a couple of her books and I really want to. Every quote I’ve seen from her has been amazing! I love what she shared on Facebook. That’s so true. If we face the world that way, we’re setting ourselves up to find confirmation of it.