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3 Reasons You Should Read It Happens All the Time by Amy Hatvany

April 3, 2017March 31, 2017 Crystal // Dreams, etc. 2 comments
3 Reasons You Should Read It Happens All the Time by Amy Hatvany

A review of It Happens All the Time by Amy Hatvany and three reasons you should read it. // Dreams, etc.
Note – I received a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

I have a book by Amy Hatvany sitting on my bookshelf and it regularly comes to mind as a book I should read. I don’t know why I haven’t read it yet; I’ve had it for at least a year. So when I was asked if I’d like to read Hatvany’s newest book, I jumped at the chance. Not only am I already interested in the author, this book sounds like one that needs to be read.

The Book

From master storyteller Amy Hatvany—whose writing has been hailed as “gripping and emotionally honest” (Stephanie Evanovich, New York Times bestselling author)—comes a provocative and compelling novel about two friends whose lives are changed by a drunken kiss.

I want to rewind the clock, take back the night when the world shattered. I want to erase everything that went wrong.

Amber Bryant and Tyler Hicks have been best friends since they were teenagers—trusting and depending on each other through some of the darkest periods of their young lives. And while Amber has always felt that their relationship is strictly platonic, Tyler has long harbored the secret desire that they might one day become more than friends.

Returning home for the summer after her college graduation, Amber begins spending more time with Tyler than she has in years. Despite the fact that Amber is engaged to her college sweetheart, a flirtation begins to grow between them. One night, fueled by alcohol and concerns about whether she’s getting married too young, Amber kisses Tyler.

What happens next will change them forever.

In alternating points of view, It Happens All the Time examines the complexity of sexual dynamics between men and women and offers an incisive exploration of gender roles, expectations, and the ever-timely issue of consent.

Thoughts

Popsugar reviewed this as “a breathtaking ode to the issue of consent” and when I read that review after I finished the novel I knew it was the perfect way to describe it.

The ARC opens with a letter from Hatvany about why she wrote this book. I’m not sure if it’s included in the finished copy–I’d run to the bookstore to check, but I read this on the plane to Colombia and I’ll still be out of the country when the review goes up. (I didn’t see it in the sample pages on Amazon, but there was a note saying some pages may have been omitted.) In her letter, Hatvany said she wants this book to start a conversation about consent and the way we discuss it.

I think she achieved her goal and I hope this book can be used to open up conversations about consent. (I also think it can be used to start other important conversations as well.) I’d love to talk to someone who has read it, so that we can talk specifics from the book, but Hatvany used this novel to illustrate both what consent is and what it isn’t in various ways. She wrote characters who were so believable that it broke my heart at times. Even with Tyler. I didn’t particularly care for him, but there were times even he broke my heart as I read his story and I didn’t anticipate that going into it.

And Amber… I think a lot of people will be able to identify with Amber in different ways and pinpoint various moments in their life and feelings they’ve had that they see in Amber, even if they haven’t had the same experiences she’s had. I know I did.

Keep in mind, this book is about rape and the aftermath. It is so hard to read at times. It also deals heavily with eating disorders. I don’t want this to discourage anyone from reading the book, but I think it’s worth knowing when you go into it.

I anticipate this book will be on my list of favorites from the year, not because it was a fun and happy read (it wasn’t), but because it’s important and worthwhile.

Find the book:  Amazon // Barnes & Noble // Books-a-Million // IndieBound // Walmart // Apple // Google // Kobo

Find the author: Website // Facebook // Twitter // Instagram

So, 3 Reasons You Should Read It Happens All the Time:

1 // It opens up a conversation regarding consent. That was her goal, and as I stated earlier, I think she achieves it. This book talks about what consent is AND what it isn’t, which is an important part of the discussion. No means no, but the absence of no doesn’t mean yes. A kiss and flirtation does not mean someone wants to have sex. As a female, I’ve been told what I need to do to protect myself when I’m out in public and when I’m with other people, but how often do we talk to males about what consent is and isn’t? I’m sure there are people that do–and maybe it’s more of a widespread discussion than I realize. I truly don’t know, but it’s something worth discussing.

2 // It opens up a conversation about how we speak in general and it takes a look at how our words can impact others. I’ve talked about how our words have power and in that post I tried to focus on the positives of that power, but it’s worth considering the things we say that don’t appear to be harmful on the surface, words that have the potential to impact others in ways that we don’t intend, and in ways they might not even realize. How are we talking about our bodies or the people around us? Are we making jokes that can get caught in someone’s psyche? I’m not saying that we can’t have fun and joke around. And I’m definitely not excusing someone’s actions based on things they’ve heard others say–we all know right from wrong and we all make our own decisions. But we need to recognize that our words do have power and we need to speak responsibly. Are the comments we’re making useful or are they adding to stereotypes?

3 // It opens up a conversation about looking for help when we need it. There is such a stigma about therapy and there shouldn’t be. If our children need someone to help them process things they’ve seen or heard, we don’t seek that help, because what will people say? If we need someone to help process our anxiety or depression or any number of things we might be dealing with, we don’t seek that help, because it means we’re weak and/or what will people say? Instead, we turn to other things: food, booze, exercise, sex… And none of that is productive, because it doesn’t deal with the root issue. We need to be okay with looking for help when we need it so that we can deal with what’s behind the problems that we have.

I’m sure there are other conversations that could result from reading this book and if you’ve read it, I’d love to chat so that we can go into detail as we discuss the book.

Have you read It Happens All the Time or would you like to read it? Have you read other books by Amy Hatvany? What should I read next?

[Tweet “Three reasons you should read IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME by Amy Hatvany. #amreading #bookblogger”]

About Crystal

About Crystal

Hi! I'm Crystal, a millennial learning how to live slowly and sustainably, while still seeking adventure and following my dreams, etc.

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2 comments

  1. San says:
    April 3, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Thanks for the suggestion! I am always on the hunt for new books to read! šŸ™‚

    Reply
  2. Charlotte says:
    April 7, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    It sounds like a heavy book, but absolutely one that I’d love to read… It’s a conversation we absolutely have to have nowadays especially with rape on college campuses always on the rise. Thank you so much for this review, and I wish you safe travels! Excited to hear about your adventures when you return.

    XOXO

    Reply

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hi!

I'm Crystal, the storyteller behind Dreams, etc. I'm all about learning how to live slowly & sustainably, while also seeking adventure as we follow our dreams, etc.

Hello, friends! šŸ‘‹šŸ¼ Swipe through for a few g Hello, friends! šŸ‘‹šŸ¼ Swipe through for a few glimpses from January. As 2022 came to an end I had this feeling that I was preparing to hibernate and I guess, in a way, I have. I’ve been slowly easing into the new year, focused on getting back into a few routines after Iceland and the holidays. And it’s been a great month. I can’t believe it’s almost over. What have your favorite moments of January been?
2022. Looking back on this year it was the year of 2022. Looking back on this year it was the year of so many dreams experiences. Whales. Cape Cod/Nantucket. Iceland. I saw musicals that have I’ve been dreaming of with Moulin Rouge, Wicked, and Six. 

It wasn’t without its stresses and rough moments but I’m grateful for the good that can be found, even when it’s hard.
Let’s journey back to November for the second we Let’s journey back to November for the second weekly dam walk of the month. My dad joined me for this one and we made it somewhat fast because it was a chilly day. ā€œThe water looks cold,ā€ I said when we back to the car.

Between Iceland and the below zero, windy, and snowy weather we had last week (which came with requests from my parents not to go) it’s been a few weeks since I’ve been to the dam and I miss it!
Years ago I celebrated Christmas and New Years in Years ago I celebrated Christmas and New Years in Vienna and it still lives in my memory today as such a special time. I know December in Reykjavik will be the same—and not just because I came home with a little over $100 worth of ornaments of all 13 Yule Lads AND their mom AND the Christmas cat. (There was a little bit of miscommunication between my mom and me on that shopping trip. šŸ˜‚)

It might have been cold (and when that wind hits you don’t want to be outside or by the harbour…I speak from windswept, breath-stolen experience and will forever be grateful for the library we eventually found respite in) and we only saw the sun a few hours each day, but seeing this already charming city decked out in Christmas lights with a skating rink and the prettiest tree secured it’s place in my heart.

Reykjavik, I hope to see you again one day. Soon. Probably not in December, but I’m glad I got to see you in December once.
Last year my niece and I visited New York at Chris Last year my niece and I visited New York at Christmastime and it was fun to see the city decked out in lights. I can also now say that I’ve seen the Rockefeller Christmas Tree and skating rink and the Saks Christmas lights, but I’ve also seen the crowds they draw.

It was completely different in Reykjavik this year. You actually had a chance to skate on the ice rink if you wanted (and I never did the conversation, but I think it’s cheaper) and you could actually walk up to the Christmas tree. Two very different Christmas in the city experiences.
Iceland, Day 2, Part 2. We ended the Golden Circle Iceland, Day 2, Part 2. We ended the Golden Circle tour with a stop at Thingvellir National Park. My fingers froze as I took these photos but it was worth it to capture this view. šŸ˜ PS - the last photo is from a lake we stopped at on our way from Geysir to Thingvellir.
Iceland, Day 2, Part 1. We went on a rather unvent Iceland, Day 2, Part 1. We went on a rather unventful Northern Lights tour the night before and slipped in a few hours of sleep before meeting our bus for the Golden Circle tour. Our tour guide was @busdriver_annie and she was amazing! Pictured: Faxi (the small waterfall) Gullfoss (the big waterfall), a wool market where we also saw some animals, and Geysir (the hot springs area). Geysir is actually the most famous geyser in the world but it doesn’t erupt anymore. However, Strokkur erupts every 5 - 10 minutes. I’ll share more photos from the tour soon!
Iceland, Day 1. We landed bright and early at 6:30 Iceland, Day 1. We landed bright and early at 6:30 am, dropped off our bags at the hotel, and went exploring. We saw HallgrĆ­mskirkja, the amazing view from the bell tower, the rainbow street, and walked down Laugavegur. Swipe to the end to see the view from our apartment!
Scenes from November, which were mostly at the dam Scenes from November, which were mostly at the dam apparently.
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